Looking a happy, loving, and positive relationship? It’s not in mastering different sexual positions or flying off to a romantic vacation. The most important step lies in having a happy, loving and positive attitude—and that, ironically, begins in the relationship we have with ourselves.
When we are negative and insecure, we can become clingy, possessive, unreasonable, overemotional—all the things that can kill an otherwise good relationship. Our frustrations will also magnify the little bumps and conflicts that any couple will meet. For example, if we feel ugly or old or stupid, then a tiny remark will set us off—and we’ll say, ‘He doesn’t appreciate me!’ when actually we don’t appreciate ourselves.
Good relationships take two happy, positive people who are willing and able to work things out—because they already have a strong ‘inner core.’ How do you do that?
First of all, have love and ompassion for yourself. We all have old hurts from our past, some tracing back to our childhood. Imagine your adult self talking to this scared, angry and lost child self—forgiving yourself for the mistakes you made, respecting all the changes and choices that have brought you where you are today. If you have compassion for yourself, you will have compassion for your partner.
Second, pay real attention to your partner: quality time and quality conversation. Turn off the cell phone, stop fondling that iPad, and focus on what each other has to say. It makes him feel valued, and also lets you understand him better—a key to good communication.
Third, when you have conflicts, choose your words well and let go of the need to be ‘Right.’ There are no wrongs or rights in a relationship, just sides/perspectives and needs and feelings. The key is to understand each other’s perspective, respect each other’s needs and feelings, and from there find a compromise and a solution.
Then, take care of yourself. Exhaustion and burnout can make anyone irritable and eventually difficult to be with. Diet, exercise, sleep all make you feel good—and when you feel good, you are in a better place to make someone else feel good too.