Sex and intimacy are very important foundations in any marriage it makes the partners feel secure and safe in the relationship and it also creates a bond between them. When intimacy and sex leaves the marriage you can be sure that it is indicative of brewing trouble.
The definition of a sexless marriage should be qualified though. It doesn’t necessarily mean that sex has totally left the marriage. For example, if you want to have sex everyday but your partner is only willing to have sex twice a week it is not a sexless marriage. But on the other hand, if you want to have sex three times a week and your partner is only willing once a month it is a sexless marriage.
A sexless marriage is hard to discuss sometimes and the other partner (usually the one who is not willing to get more intimate) will not likely understand what it means and what its implications are. Since their demand for sex is being met they don’t consider it a sexless marriage.
The huge difference in the sexual needs of the spouses is what triggers the trouble. One person will gain control of when sex is initiated and it leaves the other partner powerless and frustrated. Unfortunately, this situation is not uncommon. Studies show that 1 in 5 marriages are considered sexless. The effects of a sexless marriage can be hard because the constant rejection can make the partner feel unwanted and undesirable. It also contributes to feelings of being trapped in a relationship.
Some signs that you may be heading towards a sexless marriage are:
• Going to bed later or early than your partner to avoid the advances
• Relenting to sex out of guilt and not out of a desire to get intimate with your partner
• Argue about sex
• Blaming each other about sex or the reasons for not having sex
• Complaining that the partner is always amorous
• Blaming the children, work or other external problems for not wanting sex
• Feeling resentful or angry towards your partner
• Wondering whether your spouse loves you or not
• Shutting down emotionally and building a wall around yourself to protect yourself from rejection
• Feeling frustrated because your partner does not seem to understand where you’re coming from
• Entertaining thoughts of finding companionship with other people
Famous personality Dr. Phil says that sexless marriages is an epidemic, with an estimated 20 to 40 million couples in the US alone complaining of this particular problem.
A sexless marriage can be fixed but the issue of sex and intimacy in a marriage is so hard to discuss. A discussion of the underlying causes for a sexless marriage can also lead to more friction. For example, work is one factor that is most commonly brought up when dealing with this problem. But marriage experts say that all the hard work is ultimately wasted if it means a failed relationship. Also, there are spouses who think that sex is ultimately not important in a relationship. Unfortunately, if the problem goes on for too long, permanent damage on the relationship is inevitable.
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