Blame it on Cinderella and Fifty Shades of Gray. Because of them, the population of baby boomers and millennials with XX chromosomes looked for their own Prince Charmings and Christian Grays to marry. And they lived miserably ever after.
Picking the man you plan to live with ’til death do you part should be a rigorous process of elimination. Set the heart aside and take a clinical approach to the selection. Broaden your knowledge by learning about the types of men to marry and the types to run away from. First, set your basic requirements for your potential lifetime partner – tolerable looks, a sense of humor, a bit of intelligence. After that, you must make it easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a man to win you over.
Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. At this level of screening, you’ll probably never get married at all, and miss out on the highs and lows of matrimony. To help you evaluate members of the male species and decide the one most suitable for you to spend the rest of your life with, you can do a reverse search and discard the undesirables.
The Alpha Male
The alpha male is one who must dominate over everything in your relationship, no questions asked. And he usually succeeds because most of the time, he’s attractive, suave and charming. If you meet a man who exudes a lot of confidence and will pursue you relentlessly, he’s usually an alpha male. It can be intoxicating, the feeling that he wants you so badly, but beware. That oozing confidence masks a load of arrogance. He believes he knows best and is always right, and because this is so, he won’t listen to other people’s ideas and opinions.
This type of fellow is a perfectionist. He won’t accept anything less than the best from you, be it in cooking, running the home, bringing up the kids or in the bedroom. But if he’s the one who doesn’t meet the standards, don’t expect an apology either.
Alpha males are all very good in business and work. They are usually CEOs and managers. But if you’re in an intimate long-term relationship with one, don’t expect to have a voice in any decision-making. Alpha males are also known not to be monogamous. Factor in these two elements into your union and you know you’re in for misery.
The wimp is the extreme opposite of the alpha male. He’s weak, cowardly and doesn’t take the initiative in anything. As spineless as a jellyfish, don’t expect him to defend you when other men hit on you in his presence. At work, he can’t say no to his boss even if it means cancelling your plans for going out.
Wimps are sore losers. They are jealous of another man’s looks, success and wealth and will find ways to criticize them. They blame other people for their stagnant careers and other problems in their lives. In truth, wimps are afraid to take risks, so they settle for the mediocre rather than fail in a goal.
Marrying a wimp may mean less trouble in a marriage because they’re happy to take second place to you. But the indecision, whining and negativity that you have to live with will eventually make you want out.
If you’re familiar with Greek mythology, Narcissus is the god who saw his own reflection in a body of water and fell in love with it. Like him, the narcissist is conceited, selfish and constantly needs praise from other people. He thinks only of himself and does not feel empathy or compassion for others. He is cocky and disdainful and has a grandiose feeling of self-importance.
A relationship with a narcissist means you have to dumb down yourself to avoid making him feel inferior, act like he’s God’s gift to you and endure his constant criticisms. You’ll have to be available for him whenever he needs it because the marriage revolves only around him. You may even have to forego promotions in your job and leave friends behind because he resents being second fiddle to them. In the end, your own self-esteem is eroded as a result of the chronic belittling, isolation and being trapped.